Do you ever wonder why things have to turn out the way they do?

If things didn't change a year back, I would have imagine myself to be busy planning for my wedding, cracking our heads for renovation ideas and feeling the pinch from all the money that we would be spending. We would be so excited because we would be getting our keys to our flat at this time of the year and perhaps live a happily ever after.

But NO. Sadly, thats not the case. Because things change, and people change.

A year ago this time, I was at the lowest peak of my life. My man, whom i thought would be the only love of my life turned a stranger to me. We drifted so much we just couldn't seem to connect anymore. 

That's when i started to believe in a thing called FATE.

I have been with the love of my life for seven years - thats like 10% of my entire lifetime. The kind of bond we had made me felt like I could never lead a life without him and he'd be the only guy i'd foresee myself marrying. 

Just like any other couples, we'd argue every now and then but he would always give in to me and make things work again. I do admit that I can be quite a handful at times but there wasn't a single time I wouldn't talk to him for good. 

He was a Mr Nice in everyone's eyes. He was gentle, caring and was never the flirty sort. All was good until the year he started his internship. He got close to a girl whom he met in his company. At some point of time, he got so close to the clique he started giving me the cold shoulders. I recalled calling him 15 times in a day and he rejected all of them. Despite that, I knew i couldn't lose him to someone whom he just met. He initiated a breakup while we were at batam and I cried my heart out. Even my other couple friend could tell from my swollen eyes - my eyes were already non existent to begin with. If you were to ask me to name a worst trip till date, it would be that trip. 

Well.. 'Fortunately', he drifted from that girl after the internship ended and we were leading our normal lives again. During that period of time, I had a silly thought - maybe we should get a BTO? that will 'prevent' such incidents from happening and it would keep him by my side for good. Initially he wasn't for the idea but he gave in to my request after I managed to convince him with the BTO that was just next to his sister's new place. and so, we managed to choose our ideal unit and we were both happy.

Naturally, with the BTO applied, I was already considering myself to be married to him. The subsequent one and half years we were 'okay' until one day i realized he wasn't the man I thought I knew.

''Fate works in mysterious ways and I secretly felt that god planted a savior to make me see his true colours.''

Below is a timeline of what happen:

In August 2014, i left my previous job for a new job. I met a group of awesome colleagues at my new workplace. We formed a night life clique whereby we'd go and chill on Friday nights every now and then. In that clique, there was a guy named Kenny. When i first met him, I thought he was quite an oddball. He was quieter compared to the rest of us and would always walk ahead of the clique. 

In December 2015: One of my colleague decided to organise a Christmas Party at his place and we were supposed to do a Secret Santa gift exchange. I picked Kenny and his wishlist was a ''tumbler that no one would have''. So one fine day, I was roaming in a mall and i chanced upon this DIY tumbler which was sold in Starbucks. The tumbler allows you to print your own designs and slot it in it's interior and tadah it's uniquely yours. Unfortunately, I didnt buy it on that day because it had some defect on its only piece.

The previous day before we were supposed to do the Gift exchange, my man told me that he saw the tumbler and I requested him to get it for me. I went to his place that night to design the tumbler while he was sleeping since he had to work the next day. So, while I was about to save the picture, it somehow lead me to a hidden folder. I couldn't remember how I managed to find out but I recalled seeing some thumbnails of weird pictures. To my horror (worse than watching a 10/10 horror show), there were tons of folders with pictures of..... (I really don't wish to say.. what you think is likely to be it) 

I was devastated when I saw the pictures. I cried my tears dried and confronted him after I managed to cool down a little. It was at an ungodly hour of 4am in the morning and I didn't wish to wake his parents up. We had a fight and he gave countless excuses of why he did that - which to me is just pure nonsense. He refused to let me leave immediately and I requested to sleep on the floor. The thought of sleeping next to him just disgust me to no end. I headed home the first thing in the morning and I felt really horrible. I knew I could no longer be with him and was determined to break up with him. 

In case you guys were curious, the DIY tumbler failed. I couldn't get it sloted perfectly so I went back to Northpoint the next day to get a normal tumbler and some atas coffee sachets. And, you know what.. I bumped into the current love of my life and I didnt know. I only knew after he left a comment to my emo post on FB that day. How coincidental.

During the Christmas party, I was pretty upset and blurted out to Kenny that I was single again. Actually come to think about it, I might have been intoxicated from the alchohol we drank that night. They say people get drunk easiest when they are sad. Haha.

The breakup didn't happen immediately. He pleaded for my forgiveness and told me that he couldn't live without me. He bought me gifts and convinced me to get back together with him. if not for love but for the house. I finally relented and went back to him even though i knew things would never be the same again. I felt like I was alone even though I was still attached to him. I was blinded by the fact that we already had a house and forfeiting it would just lead to monetary losses. Besides, our relatives had already knew about us applying for the house. I just didn't had the mood to clear up the mess and deal with the stress of people questioning.

And so... days passed.. I felt that even though we do meet up every now and then, I wasn't happy. We were just physically there for each other but could no longer feel any affection. We didn't laugh as much as before and we didn't seem to want each other that much. For the longest time, we didn't hold hands. 

During the emo days, I partied alot and drank alot more. It was during that period of time I got to know Kenny more. We got closer and I seem to be able to clique with him very well despite our extreme personalities. We could talk about anything and I felt comfortable with him around. I had the 'in love' feeling which I didnt felt for a long while. He took care of me wherever we went and was there to comfort me when I felt down. Before I knew it, we fell in love with each other. But there were difficulties then.. I knew i wouldn't have the courage. 

1. We were in the same company

2. We were in the same clique

3. I haven't exactly broke off with my ex yet

4. The house!

5. The fear of people judging me from point 1-4

Alongside this incident, I found out that my ex also got to know a girl working in the same company. He texted her every now and then and I knew something was not right even though he refused to admit. Things got worse everyday we both requested for a cooling period.

True enough, the cooling period got colder and we were used to leading a life without each other. In fact, happier. Finally, he texted me to say that he don't love me anymore and gave a thank you speech on how he would keep those memories of us close to his heart. I remember crying on the MRT despite the weird stares and sat at the playground for 2 hours before heading home. The feeling that he will be totally out from my life suddenly felt so REAL. 

And then, the next month was just trying to settle the flat. To be honest, I was hateful of the whole procedure. I didn't want to care and I told him to settle it as soon as possible. 

A few months down the road, I got to know from my brother that he was holding another girl's hand at Novena. Congrats, you LIAR.

Strange how someone whom you hold so dear can just become like total strangers.

Thank you Mr. S. If not for you, I wouldn't realise how fortunate am I now to be with someone who truly loves me. (sounds like a lot of HATE but well.. he deserved to be hated)

Good night.